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how to make a trillion dollars

In five easy steps, you too can be a trillionaire. Earn unbelievable income without any hard work or risk of your own money.

funny money
1. Make up your own currency. It should look like a trusted currency, but does not need any backing such as gold, silver or real estate. Just so long as it resembles one that does. Change a few letters or words, but nobody will notice subtle differences.

2. You will have to print some percentage of it onto currency-resembling paper with unusual, cool-looking inks. Happily, most of the money you spread around can just be made up on your home computer. Transfer generous amounts of money from thin air electronically to bank accounts as loans.

3. Collect interest on the loans. The easier you make it to get these loans, the more people will pay you in interest. You don’t have to fret much about people paying it back. After all, you just made it up anyway. But they do have to fear you will take them to court, harass them, sue them, break their kneecaps and so on.

4. Share generously your made up money with people who will help you get payments of interest and principle from the people who borrowed it.

5. Share even more generously with complicate politicians and media who pretend your made up money is worthy of exchange for goods, services and labor. Ideally, you just buy them outright. If they don’t seem to be for sale, apply lots more of made up money to replace them with people and organizations who are for sale.

The amazing thing about most people is their honor and integrity. Despite the fact you just made up the money they borrow, exchange and owe to you, nearly all of them will toil, scrimp and live in poverty if need be to pay you back.

Laughably, they will pay you 20% or more interest on the vapors you transfered into their bank accounts. You can keep them indentured indefinitely if their debt to you exceeds their income. Those are the best of the best because you own them for life.

Make a show of qualifying them to pay back your made up money, but don’t make it so hard they cannot borrow. Ideally they will feel success as they attach your shackles to their wrists and ankles.

If you work it right, they will gladly assault, enslave and even kill your enemies if you give them more made up money or write down their loan debts to you.

Two things you do not want them to figure out

1. They have no moral obligation to pay you back anything more substantial than the unbacked vapor you loaned them.

2. If they walk away from your made up money, if they use something else for their monetary exchanges, your empire collapses; your power disappears.